Conflicts are part of every relationship. The decisive factor is how you deal with it so that children retain a sense of security and safety.
Perhaps you have already experienced that differences of opinion in the partnership lead to tensions in front of the children. Children are very sensitive to feelings and moods. They benefit when conflicts are dealt with fairly and respectfully instead of being hidden or aggressive. The aim should not be to avoid arguments completely, but to live a healthy culture of conflict.
A simple approach helps to ensure that arguments in front of children do not have a stressful effect:
Guide to constructive conflict in front of children:
- Stay calm: Consciously take a deep breath and speak in a normal tone of voice. Children react sensitively to loud or angry voices.
- Remain objective: Describe your feelings and needs without making accusations. For example: I feel overwhelmed when we don't do our homework together.
- Short conflicts: Keep arguments as short as possible without letting them escalate. Longer arguments can unsettle children.
- Show reconciliation: After a conflict, children should observe that solutions are found and reconciliation is possible. A handshake, a smile or a shared laugh signals this: Everything is okay again.
- Private conversations: If possible, you can discuss particularly intense topics in a separate room so that children are not overwhelmed.
Children learn from your example how conflicts can be resolved respectfully. Arguing in front of the children is therefore not taboo if it is done consciously, briefly and respectfully.
We wish you a lot of composure and clarity in conflict situations!
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