Many people are afraid of their feelings. Especially when it comes to feelings such as loneliness, sadness, anger or fear, we wish they would disappear soon. Do you perceive these feelings as negative or do you prefer to slam the door in your face?
This article shows a different perspective on supposedly "bad" feelings and pleads for a friendlier way of dealing with them.
Psychologist Anita Johnston, who specializes in eating disorder therapy, devotes a chapter in her book "The Woman Who Ate in the Moonlight" to the topic of dealing with feelings. She advises us to view feelings that are considered negative by society, such as anger, sadness, loneliness and fear, as gifts from the heart.
Why we shouldn't block out negative feelings
The fears associated with "bad" feelings lead us to ignore them or try to keep them under strict control. It is often feared that allowing anger will result in aggressive or hurtful behavior. If we block feelings, a strong, diffuse pressure can build up within us in the long term. It is diffuse because by suppressing feelings, the cause of the tension becomes incomprehensible. The pressure can manifest itself in tension, nervousness, irritability or even physical complaints such as stomach aches and headaches.
Gifts of feelings
If we allow ourselves to really experience feelings such as fear, loneliness, anger or sadness, we can receive the precious content they have to offer us. We discover that there is a pearl of inner wisdom in each of our feelings.
Anger can give you clarity and strength. If you pursue your anger, you will discover what makes you overflow and where your limits lie. Anger can give you the determination and strength to carry on and stand up for yourself.
At first glance, fear has an inhibiting effect. Panic and stagnation come over us when we fight against fear, not because of fear. The paradox of fear is that it is transformed when we accept it. By accepting our fear, we find out what we actually need in order to feel safe. The knowledge gained from fear can give us confidence and courage.
When we allow ourselves tears from sadness, we can heal. Sadness teaches us compassion for ourselves and others.
Jealousy can make us realize what we deeply desire. And loneliness can be a gift of self-knowledge. If we allow ourselves to get to know ourselves as lonely, we can find out how and why we keep our distance from others.
The next time one of these feelings knocks on your door, invite it in and ask it: "What brings you here?". Get to know the feeling, go with it and treat it with respect. Feelings are true friends and are there to help you get to know your needs better. And the best thing is: you will realize that feelings pass. They flow through us and then disappear.
Try it out and enjoy the lightness and freedom afterwards. We wish you lots of new insights.
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