When Siblings Fight

When emotions, moods, and interests clash , it’s only natural that things will get really heated in your family from time to time. This is completely normal—and that’s exactly how it should be. Arguments are part of growing up. This is how children learn social skills, respect others’ boundaries , and express their own point of view. But a positive learning experience only comes from a fair argument.

What should you do when children argue?

• Don’t step in too soon. Maybe the two of them will resolve the conflict all on their own.
• Stay calm! You’re your children’s role model. If you approach an argument in a relaxed and easygoing way, you’ll defuse the situation. Try smiling.
• Talk to both of them to find out what the argument is about. Try to find a solution together. For example, who gets to play with which toy car first, and when will they switch?
• Set boundaries! Separate the squabblers and make it clear what words and tones of voice are allowed at home. Set clear rules, such as: “We don’t hit each other here.”
• Get to the root of any apparent tendency to argue. Why do they fight so often? Is jealousy or some other unspoken feeling behind it?
• Keep in mind: Boredom can fuel arguments. Children who are busy playing and running around have less time and less inclination to argue.
• When playing, it’s important that toys are always available for all children to use. Otherwise, arguments could arise out of jealousy.
• Don’t take sides! It takes two to argue. Statements like, “But you’re older,” or “You should know better by now,” make the child being blamed feel as though they’re solely to blame for the argument.
• How do you argue? Do you argue in front of your children? Don’t forget—you’re a role model for your little ones. They pick up on both positive and negative behavior patterns.
• As parents, present a united front. If one of you says yes and the other says no, children will be quick to take advantage of that.
• If the kids can’t agree, take away the source of the conflict. Don’t give it back until they come up with a fair solution.
• Praise your children for resolving conflicts.